A big butt of a joke
One of my best girlfriends called me and sounded panic-stricken, almost horrified. She said, “Karen, I looked back there and it was all dark.”
I asked, “What do you mean? Like behind the refrigerator?”
“No, down there,” she lowered her voice even more, “Back there.”
I paused and then it hit me, “You mean, you looked between the cheeks? What do you mean it was dark? Why do you care? What?”
“I was watching a porno and all the girls had really light anal areas. But mine has a shadow. I’m so embarrassed. Disgusting.”
“[Insert her name], everyone has some shadows back there. There’s a lot of blood beneath the skin. It’s not like, stains. Those people use make-up or bleach treatments for any hyper-pigmentation. Besides, it’s their job to show their asses.”
- (((“One [Victoria's Secret] Angel, Selita Ebanks, told the New York Daily News: “It’s all about creating the illusion of this amazing body on the runway. People don’t realize that there are about 20 layers of makeup on my butt alone.”—from The Huffington Post)))
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Great. Yet another beauty treatment to tag on to a woman’s already lengthy list of areas to shave, wrinkles to tame, and hair areas to manage. And now she supposed to keep her rear end *sparkling* white, like her Crest Stripped teeth?
I, like most of us girlfriends, have succumbed and crumpled under peer pressure to wear thongs, g-strings, and to experiment with the international rolodex of bikini area waxing “hairstyles.” Exotic dancers and porn stars brought these ways to the general public—mainstreamed it. If I see panty lines on a woman today, I find it inexcusable. Ridiculous even, making me view those tacky-ass lines. How dare her!
Once when I was in Blodgett Pool’s (Harvard’s natatorium) locker room, I was forced to see what I call a “Grizzly Adams” on a woman, otherwise known as “going native,” a full bush, in her pubic area. The contrast between the white locker room tiles and her dark, toupe-looking bush was impossible to overlook. It still haunts me. <shuddering right now>
I am conditioned to follow and expect these beauty trends on everyone else. When the trends go unheeded, I get a sickened feeling. I dread the day that I go grocery shopping, wheel by the make-up section, and find on the Cover Girl wall unit the “Continuous Coverage for Your Anus” section and place the product in my cart.
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